Good day yesterday

Had a Good day yesterday. Got to go to church, attend Christians basketball game, and Chloe’s choral concert. So thankful. ☺️ God’s grace and strength for the day...I’ll take it!

Christian is wearing a Korean pear cover on his arm which looks like my PICC line cover!😜💪

At church, I had a chance to share the following with my church yesterday (see below). After sharing, a young lady named Laura, who was visiting, came up to me. She said that her dad, Michael, had been diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago but has had a recent setback and getting new treatment. Please keep him in prayer. Laura said she is fasting for her dad this coming week with her college fellowship group and wanted to pray for me too. God’s providence and grace.

Renewal sharing

Good morning. It’s so good to be here with you again worshipping together. I had asked pastor Bill and Luke if I could have a few minutes to just say thank you for your support and prayers these last few weeks. 

Words cannot express how COVERED my family and I felt by your love during this recent ordeal. Honestly, I just wanted to see all of your faces esp. our children, as I had heard that many of you were praying together with your families at home. That meant so much to me and our family! So, I told my kids that that’d be enough for me today, just to see your faces, and sit down. 😉. 

But this morning, I just wanted to share 2 short things I wrote while I was in the hospital, including some thoughts when I was really struggling. It’s not a theological discourse at all on suffering (which I’ll entrust to P. Bill for a future teaching time 😉), but just what God was laying on my heart during the darkest moments. 

I figured reading this would be better so i don’t cry, though I still might.

In a book I read while in the hospital, the author said that suffering reminds us that our lives are meant to be a “community project”. So that’s one reason I wanted to share with you guys today, as my family and I have definitely felt this in such a tangible way by your loving support and prayers. 

Also for that reason, I’m working on a blog to share this journey with folks, to recount all that God has been and is teaching me, including going forward as I begin chemo in the time to come. So, I’ll be sending an update to you guys via church email and will include the link there to my blog if you’d like to follow.

So here goes:

-December 17 (in the hospital):

Ironically, Grace and I had been recently talking about how we were so looking forward to slowing down this Xmas season and spending time together as a family. Who knew this would be the way to do that?! Our kids are processing in different ways and we’re so thankful for the community of friends and family who are there for them, and will walk beside them going forward. We were touched to hear how youth group friends and teachers have been reaching out to them. Words cannot express how our friends and family have been there for us and the many offers to help in anyway they can. 

Thanks to my brother and social media, we’ve been humbled to see the greater community of friends and family praying in faith and even fasting for us, many folks who I don’t even know! Though I still live in the stone ages 😉, I’m so thankful for how God has used Facebook, instagram, and twitter to get the word out to so many folks, to really rally the troops in support and prayer. 

We’re especially thankful for our Renewal church community who has flooded us with countless texts and emails of encouragement these past days, many of which we just couldn’t respond too. Thank you guys. 

-Fast forward 10 days later:

It’s 3am, and I’ve been sitting up eyes wide open here in the hospital, listening to Paul Tripp’s audio book on Suffering which Pastor Luke sent me. I was reminded of how the first few days after my diagnosis were filled with tears and fear to the point where my eyes were almost swollen shut. I vividly remember lying down one night in the midst of seemingly endless needle sticks, just sobbing uncontrollably as my poor phlebotomist probably felt so bad having to keep jabbing me to draw blood. I just lay there with my arms splayed out to my side, my eyes closed shut with tears weeping out, and just feeling helpless. That was definitely a low point and I felt so alone. I knew God was with me through this, but I was struggling to see Him and His purpose at that time. For a moment, I imagined Christ with his arms wide open, and tried to find some identification with HIS suffering. Perhaps that was what He wanted me to see and experience in that moment. In His love, to experientially identify with what He endured for us. Ironically as Xmas soon approached, to truly understand how it wasn’t about a cute little baby born in a manger, but rather about God coming to earth, sending His one and only Son as Godman incarnate, to be born with a death sentence, to die for US, for that was the only way that we could be saved from sin and death and have a relationship with Him. It was the ultimate expression of Love. 

The past weeks have been a whirlwind, and I’d be lying if I said that this is all “well with my soul.” But I honestly can say that I am not bitter at God. Fear at times yes, questions yes. But I’m reminded that God is not only sovereign. For that alone would and could be scary. But His sovereignty is undergirded with His amazing love. Knowing that God has a greater purpose because of His love for us, helps me to see my circumstances with perspective, HIS perspective. I find great comfort and reassurance that if God gave His one and only Son for us, how will He not graciously give us all things. He’s PROVEN His love through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus. Now, it doesn’t mean suffering will not happen in this life, and in fact, the truth is we WILL suffer, BUT we can find solace and strength to know that He is right beside us through it all, til we see Him face to face. And I find great comfort, hope, and purpose in that. 

We are all not immune to suffering, hardships, and trials in this life. I’ve heard somewhere that either we are going through it, have gone through it, or will go through suffering in the time to come. And for when that time comes, may we be found faithful. 

I don’t know what lies ahead, but I know that God knows. And He loves me. 

As I mentioned before, I feel so covered by the love and support of our Renewal family and from the greater church community, many of whom I don’t even know. As we fight this good fight of faith in the time to come, please keep me and my family in prayer and stand alongside us. And with that, and by God’s grace and strength, we will overcome. As paul writes in 2 Cor 4:16-17 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,”. ‭‭

I love you all.