Perspective

It’s been about 2 months now since I was diagnosed and it’s been a journey filled with ups and downs. Wanted to share a bit about the latter. It’s been hard missing multiple kids events, worshipping with my church, etc. It’s been hard to feel wiped out most of the time due to the chemo. I long for a sense of "normalcy" and want to get better so I can get back to things in life. 

Even as I write this, I’m humbled though because I realize that my journey has not been as long or difficult as many others whom I’ve gotten to meet. Their persevering battles make mine pale in comparison. And I’m inspired by these fellow fighters. But, it’s still hard at times when I’m in the depths and trying to press on. Please pray for patience, perspective, and faith in this process and journey. 

I’m reminded of 1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:18‬ -

...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

‭‭

Though this is difficult, there is obviously Godly wisdom in having a heart of gratitude (it’s in the Bible!) as it lifts our eyes off of our present circumstances and hopefully to see God’s good purposes in them.

I’ve read somewhere that “Being grateful at all times doesn't feel logical. Sometimes, it goes against the emotions of anger and sadness and always requires humility... but God doesn’t ask Christians to be thankful for the circumstances but to be thankful in them.”

And it’s interesting to note that it’s not about feelings, but rather a matter of the will, a conscious choice we have to make in each and every circumstance. 

Though circumstances might scream otherwise, I could still choose to focus on what I know is true about God and give Him thanks whether or not I could see specific things to be thankful for.

So, in faith, I choose to be thankful for the following:

• Being home with leukemia ... as I’m able to “be home” 😉 and spend more quality time with my kids and Grace than I ever have. Also, I’ve gotten to reconnect with old friends and affirm our love for one another! 

Back in our carefree college days!!

• Not having the strength (or immune status) to go out as I please to do a simple errand or take my family/kids out ... as we’ve been able to experience the sacrificial love of our community of friends and family who have offered rides, meals, and countless other ways to serve and love on us! 😘

• Losing my hair ... as I’ve been encouraged by the support of some brothers who shaved their heads in solidarity.

Business cards my friend made to use this opportunity (his bald head) to rally support for me. 😌

• The uncomfortable hospital bed ... as I’ve never been so thankful for my bed and home sweet home! 

• Hospital admissions ... as I’ve been able to meet and pray for other folks going through similar trials and suffering (esp. fellow fighters battling cancer) as well as be blessed by such caring staff. 

I was also recently reminded of the fire and mass evacuation we had at HUP the first night I was there! Even though we didn’t sleep a wink that night, it was that night where I met my good friend Trent! 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ‭‭(2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-4‬)‭

• Not being able to go for an outdoor adventure ... as I no longer take for granted when I can walk to see the humble stream in our neighborhood park. New perspective and appreciation for the simple beauty of Gods creation.

• Mouth sores, nausea, and the big “D” ... as I’m able to be thankful whenever I can enjoy a meal and experience the power of prayer as dear brothers and sisters lift these side-effects up to the Lord. 

• Not being able to go to church ... as I’m learning not to take for granted how precious it is to come together with my church family every week (and thankful for the live stream so I can still participate from home!) 🤗 

• Missing kids concerts ... but there will be many more concerts in the future (as Chloe reminded me!) 😌

• Not being able to play football or baseball with Christian (right now!) cause of my PICC line ... cause my PICC line WILL come out ONE day (it actually already did recently...by mistake though!) 😚 

Sutured in now!! 💪 

• Feeling weak (most of the time) ... cause I can learn to find my strength and hope in God to get back on my feet and fight everyday. Times in His presence have never been sweeter. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.‭‭ (2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬)‭

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. ‭‭(Romans‬ ‭5:3-5‬)‭

And the list goes on and on. As I learn to lift my eyes off of myself and my present circumstances, and unto my loving Savior and His good purposes, I find it helps me to see things with a heart of gratitude. He’s been so good to me all my life. 😌