New normal

My brother recently found and sent me this funny pic from when we were kids. I remember he used to pummel me into oblivion (though to my defense, he did have a far greater height and reach advantage haha!) 😵🥊  Now I face an unrelenting opponent in this fight with chemo (and the ultimate opponent in cancer), and I feel like I’ve been getting beaten up. I need to take him on, but the effects are taking its toll. 

Chemo - a necessary evil 

With that said, my admission at HUP last week was short and sweet and went smoothly all things considered. I was happy to be on my favorite floor again and got to see many familiar faces and reconnect with nurses and staff. A friend of mine, Ron, who’s there for a few weeks of treatment (“fellow fighter update” to come) was on the same floor as well. Please pray for Ron and others receiving medical care during this season with Corona, as well as those providing care on the front lines. They are doing an amazing job.

While in the hospital, I had a particularly encouraging conversation with my PA regarding my specific situation/status with the postponement of my transplant in light of Corona... an answered prayer. It was so helpful to hear things from a medical perspective and to be reminded that my providers have our best interest and outcome in mind all things considered. She was very hopeful that they can keep me in remission with my current chemo regimen. In fact, the common treatment regimen is 8 full cycles of cvad for 6 months before transplant. But, in my case, they were expediting my transplant a few months since my leukemia had responded well to the chemo and cause I already had a donor ready in my brother. So, all in all, she was not worried about postponing my transplant. Of course, questions still linger in my mind such as the implications if it gets postponed longer than a few months, etc. but that is out of our control. Again, in the Lord’s good hands who IS totally in control. 

Since I came home last week, I struggled with nausea for several days and then it seemed as soon as that settled down, it was fever’s turn again to have a go at me with the big “D” as my constant opponent who will just not let up. 🥊🥊🥊. Was hoping that this “round” (no pun intended) of chemo Cycle B was going to be less with side effects because it was half the dosage, but it’s been humbling me with a heavy barrage of jabs (and even blind siding me with some sucker punches out of nowhere!) 😵 Reminds me of Clash Royale, a game that my son Christian used to play where the enemy’s onslaught is ridiculous! 🤪

Can you please keep in prayer as this week my levels are probably at rock bottom so I really can not afford to get sick or an infection as my body wouldn’t be able to fight it. 🙏

The term “new normal” was something that I first heard after my father passed away a few years ago describing how life would be without him. Then as I struggled with the various side-effects of chemo, I’ve come to accept that feeling wiped out would just be my new normal as well. Last week before my admission to HUP, I actually felt good and truly normal for the first time in a long while... almost as I did before I had cancer. But, my wife Grace reminded me that this was NOT my “new” normal... so we should enjoy me feeling good while we had it! How correct she was as I’ve been humbled back to reality since my recent chemo treatment.😓

Ironically, now the term new normal is being widely used all around the country as we navigate this pandemic. But, the thing about this term that I don’t really like is that these horrible things are NOT the way it was supposed to be. I think that’s the reason it feels so hard to lose a loved one... almost “abnormal”. It was not part of God’s loving design when He created us and put things into place. Suffering and even death entered this world because of sin. I’m all the more so thankful this season for my one and only hope in Christ who victoriously overcame sin and death and will never leave or forsake me (cause He was forsaken in my place!) So, He hears every cry in the wee hour of the night, sees every tear that falls, and fights on our behalf in our weakness. 

I’m encouraged by what Paul Tripp said in his book on suffering: 

The one thing that will bring joy, peace, and lasting satisfaction to our heart is Jesus Himself. His presence, power, and grace changes everything. Hope is a person and His name is Jesus. Our God Emmanuel. And no one or nothing can take This away. (Psalm 139:7-18)

So, as we continue to press on and persevere in our various battles, may we remember this Word:

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 

(Romans 5:2-5)

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How I long for the day when God will make all things “normal” again (including our bodies💪) and come in glory and splendor! He’s demonstrated and proved it on the cross and then rising and conquering death, which we celebrate this Easter season. And may we remember how our loving Savior endured such suffering for our sake.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

‭‭(Revelation‬ ‭21:3-5‬) 

Christian’s new hobby!!

With the added time we’ve had cause of the kids being home with their flexible learning curriculum, we’ve been enjoying time as a family whether it’s playing board games, going for walks together (or skateboarding!), watching K-drama, and especially extended unhurried meal times laughing around the dinner table. May we enjoy this new normal making the most of the precious times that we have while we have it!

We were overwhelmed by Grace’s friend from work who handmade this beautiful quilt for us! 😌