“Living in Bonus Time”

I still vividly remember my eyes being swollen shut from tears for days after receiving the news of my diagnosis. As my thoughts went constantly to Grace and my kids, I recall one conversation that I had with my son that wrecked me. He asked me what he needed to do at home... taking out the trash, etc. I figured he meant while I was in the hospital, but I realized he was thinking about when I’d no longer be around... ever! He said, “I got it dad.” Those words coming from my 12 year-old broke my heart. Though I’d appreciate his help with the trash (which he’s done a great job with since then to this day 😙), this was way too early to be thinking like that. And that was a turning point in my heart and will that I needed to keep fighting as the Lord willed... to beat this cancer! 🥊🙏

During this cancer journey, I’ve read several books that were recommended by friends that have all provided such helpful insight and perspective on areas such as suffering and turning hope into action. Living in Bonus Time is the title of the most recent book that I read, written by a 2-time cancer survivor Alec Hill, who addresses how to find new purpose after coming through on the other side. This is something I’m learning as I humbly process having been afforded another chance at life as well through my recent transplant. 

I realize that this road to healing and recovery has not had much to do with me, positive thinking, or sheer willpower to get better. For, at times, I was literally at the end of my rope physically, mentally, and emotionally. And so many things along this journey were outside of my control, like Bo being able to be my donor and for the actual transplant to engraft! But rather, where I am today can only be attributed to the grace of God, the expert medical care of my team, and all the loving support and prayers of family and friends which have carried me through. Therefore, I can only approach this “bonus time” I’ve been given with a deep sense of humility. 

In his book, Alec Hill says surviving cancer is a reset button. As He has already graciously been doing, I pray that in the time to come, God would continue to provide opportunities to redirect my life. To focus on what’s truly important. To deepen my relationship with Him. To live more simply. To heal broken relationships. 

Prior to my diagnosis this past December, I recall being so busy with work, church, and family esp. with the holidays approaching. I heard somewhere recently that up to 90% of conversations that married couples have revolve around business items like finances, schedules, and who’s driving the kids where. (And probably arguing the remaining 10% of the time! 😤) Since my diagnosis, I’d hope to believe that my conversations with Grace have been less business-oriented, but more filled with life-giving love, laughter, and listening to one another. Life is truly too short to squabble over trivial things. 

Hill reminds that living in bonus time is both a gift and responsibility. Cancer provides a rare opportunity... to redefine our personal narrative. We can start anew by being intentional about things that really matter. Bonus Time gives us a chance to declutter, filter, and refine. With a grateful heart, I hope to live this out well and grow with each new day that He gives me. I believe that God has extended my life for some reason. Please pray that I will discover God’s purposes for the next season of my life as I have the opportunity to prayerfully discern why I’m still here! 🙏

On a side note, this blog has been very therapeutic for me to regularly reflect on what God is doing and teaching me, kind of like a journal. And I appreciate the many of you who’ve kept up with all of my posts throughout this journey, and have even responded after reading with a comment, text, email, or call. It means a lot to me and has helped me to process things during such a crazy season (and when I had chemo brain... or still do!!) 🤯

During this time of healing and recovery post-transplant, I’ve been able to slow down. And with my energy steadily improving overall, I’ve been able to have a bit more of a daily schedule routine, something I never was able to establish previously during my months of chemo treatments. This has allowed me to have extended quiet times, regular exercise, leisurely strolls, rest, as well as more flexibility to read, listen to podcasts, journal (blog), spend time with family, and just prayerfully think about things... past, present, and future. I’m thankful God has allowed me this blessing of time. 

At the Philly Drive-in to watch the Lion King! 🦁